NSFL

sitting by the bathroom in a restaurant

if you’re the closest table to the bathroom in a restaurant, chances that you’ll be crop-dusted are much higher than in other areas of the dining room.

you know how it doesn’t get truly urgent until you get close to the the porcelain savior because your mind sends signals that the suffering will soon be over, and pressure just starts to release?  well, sitting closest to the promised land that dude who had too many hot wings’ scurrying by (whose caboose happens to be nose level to you) is going to guarantee that frequency of aerosol clues popping up is going to be highest when he passes your table.

i know sometimes the wait is long and all you want to do is sit and start eating, but if this is the only table available and they ask you to take it yeah… just don’t.

being over 6’2” and heading to a changing room

wow, just look straight down the hallway to your reflection in the mirror 20 paces in front of you and don’t stop until the attendant shows you to your room.  nevermind that the tops of the changing room doors come to your chin, just keep walking.  if your eyes at all move 1 degree starboard or port, you’re immediately labeled as a pervert.

you could have dropped your wallet, the clothes you’re trying on, or even just then trampled over a midget, but diverting your line-of-sight could be seen as a sly act to peek at the nasty cougar trying on jeans 2 sizes too small (aka muffin-maker) so yeah, just… don’t.

eating like crap pt.1

this is one of my favorite sites, but definitely the food is NSFL:

this is why you’re fat but probably happy but probably on the way to dead

a shorter lifespan, now more delicious!

crazy

disturbing

chili-cheese corn dog fries.  fattiness of this dish is greater than the sum of its parts.

delicious but yeah, just… don’t.

slapping your boss

getting hammered at a company event is inevitable in even the most professional of professional’s careers.  one may even get uninvitedly chummy with a higher-up maybe 3 levels above.

but never, ever, i repeat, never, slap your boss in the face.  in jest, in frustration, in flirtation, ever.  that is what we call a CLM (Career Limiting Move).

it has happened before, oh yes it has.  in fact, ask anyone who works in media and chances are there’s a real-life instance they know of.

it may be hilarious, it may be gratifying, in your drunken stupor they may even be giving you the go-ahead by the look in their eyes but yeah, just… don’t.

this.

creating blogs you’ll never work on at 3 am.  well, we’ll leave this as probable… we’ll see.

i’ll probably quit so i might as well now but for now yeah, just… don’t.